In my previous post, I tried to raise some questions about the dilemma we face concerning rape and increasing sexual assaults in our society . Now it’s time to explore why it’s happening. To solve any problem, we must unfold the mystery of what happens at the grass root level. We need to uncover why men behave like that? What triggers them off ? and how do we tackle this predicament?
What is Going on in Their Heads?
Before we can talk about sex, we need to understand how a male anatomy work. According to the Sexuality Education Resource Centre in Manitoba, sexual response in men generally follows a fairly consistent pattern, which may vary from person to person and in the same person depending on whom he is with, the situation he is in and what else is going on in his life.
Thoughts, feelings, and reactions cannot be separated from the physical part of sex. For men, a sexual response occurs when there is some form of sexual stimulation, which can include touch, smell, looking at someone or something, a thought or fantasy that provokes certain physical changes to start happening. Depending on the person, the body changes happen fast or slowly and once sexually stimulated they eventually reach a ‘point of no return’.
Women have no such thing. You could have a sex drive or desires but our body goes through no such uncontrollable bodily changes in response to a sexual stimulation. Imagine if someone ask a woman to stop her heart from beating, or a pregnant woman to stop her contractions. Similarly, it is physically impossible for a man to stop his arousals.
This does not justify any rape or crime committed against children and women but it’s important to understand that some men manage to control their urges and others simply have no command over the way their body reacts. They come from communities where hardly any societal norms are practised. A poor man can’t afford to have values so they look for instant gratification where ever they find it when their needs to be fulfilled.
Rapists are not psychologically mental people. Rape is an act committed by sane men. Psychological researchers have not been able to define a typical rapist profile accurately. But according to Nicholas Groth, a psychologist, and director of Forensic Mental Health Associates, who has seen more than 3,000 sex offenders in 25 years of the practice say there are three reasons why men do rape. It’s aggression, power, and sadism. I encourage readers to read his research on Mind of a rapist by Dr.Nicholas Groth
Now let’s delve into those issues pertaining to our society in particular.
Pakistan is undergoing a revolutionary change where attitudes toward sexuality are becoming acceptable. A social transformation is taking place (or has taken place already) after tight reins were loosened around the media, entertainment industry and spurt of cable companies. Governments impose less control over censorship and the reduction of that control has instigated a society open to sexual expression. Society does not transform itself magically overnight. It takes years of subconscious and subliminal influences to bring a positive or negative effect on society.
Ladies, Its a Two way Street.
Women want freedom to dress, exposing as much as they want and expect a man to walk with his head down, knowing they have physical urges that are difficult for them to subside once aroused. It’s not an excuse for them to act in such a way but women need to accept the fact that man is born with a weakness and we exploit them for it. I am not saying that if a girl dresses provocatively, then they have high chances of being raped but what it could do is sexually arouse a man enough to inflict his wrath on another innocent girl or child.
“The first step to being Respected is to look respectable”
You cannot just blame it all on men. It’s a two-way street. They behave this way because we display ourselves this way. An innocent has to pay just because you choose to dress a certain way that is not in keeping with your society. By all means, shed all your clothes, but in a society where it is acceptable and that is not Pakistan. Stop hiding behind the feminist card and understand that we live in a society where men and women should have equal respect. If we are teaching our men to respect women then we also have to reciprocate.
Being a feminist does not mean showing your skin and getting away with it in society without being called on or worse, raped. It means fighting for your rights and that has nothing to do with your fashion sense. I am not saying live under a burqa but there is a decent way to dress even if it’s western. You will be respected when you carry yourself with dignity and decency.
Our Entertainment Industry Has Blood On Their Hands.
“If you want to destroy a nation without war, make adultery and nudity common to the young generation.
(Listen to what AMERICAN commentators are saying about it)
Pakistan is going through a transition period where our film and drama industry are becoming more pervasive and have taken it upon themselves to push our society into accepting this sexual revolution. Actresses are becoming more promiscuous and it seems hypocritical of them to take a stance against rape when they are the ones who are creating these predators in our society, all for what? Money? All they want to do is compete with Indians without being concerned about the values they have to give up in order to do it.
We fail to realize that an innocent girl or child will pay the price for it. These show girls are the ones who are objectifying women in the country. English speaking actresses cater to the high class elite society and the Mujra dancers cater to the lower classes. Both do it for money and both do it to entice men. What is the difference between them when the purpose is the same?
How do these actresses feel when they are the only girl in a room filled with hundred men and are asked to perform an item song? How do they manage to kill their pride, ego, and shame knowing how those men will be watching them? And yet it’s remarkable how they push themselves so easily. It’s more unfortunate to know that they come from educated and modern backgrounds wanting to act like those mujra girls.
Ignoring the Problem.
A few years back, I faced some backlash when I shared a documentary about child rape in Pakistan. Why? because I was not showing Pakistan in a positive light. It disappoints me when my people are only concerned about the face value of everything and pay no heed to our corroding roots. Look at where ignoring our problems have led us to? We let these monsters proliferate right under our noses and we make it easy for them to carry out their crimes because we are so efficient at ignoring the very things that are weakening our society and overly worried about our semblance.
We Don’t Know Who We Are Anymore.
To clarify myself before, I would like to say that I respect all religions and cultures. For the sake of this argument I have to differentiate between them. The problem is we are not the West and we are not like our neighbours. We have lost our identity and we don’t relate to our ideology anymore. Two million people had to sacrifice their lives just so we can live in a nation where we can practice our religion freely. We can’t call ourselves Pakistani’s when we don’t honour that ideology.
When other people do, we call them close minded and backward? We didn’t part ways because we had cultural differences in India. Religion and culture both are a mockery in this country, because we don’t know what is more important to adopt. We don’t know where one ends and other begins. What does our majority believe in ? What do Pakistani’s follow? Religion or culture? If it is culture, then what exactly is a Pakistani culture?
Asking women to show skin and shed clothes is not revolutionizing anyone, it is only corrupting the society. I know I must have stepped on a lot of toes but I’m not apologetic about it. When a girl like Zainab has to pay the price, one becomes compelled to address controversial issues. In a nation, where there is little education, moral and religious sense and sexual promiscuity, anger and frustration is at its peak, what do we expect will happen?
This article may seem like it’s only about the women and it is because like I said in my previous article, this is not just one problem. It is a combination of problems and they each need to explored in detail and complete understanding. It would just be too long to discuss it one article. Until then take care and be safe.